Babysitting

I spent part of Saturday babysitting Sydney while the Mrs. and the mother-in-law headed to the doctor and the grocery store. I was a bit apprehensive at first but put on a brave face and agreed to take on the task when Tracie asked if I could watch the baby. Why not, I could handle it with nooooooo problemo. Nada. Zip. Piece of cake. [gulp] I'm DA MAN and the boss, while Sydney is just a tiny little baby. No problem.

I have seen the fits that little babies throw when they want to let it be known that they are not happy with something. It is the kind of fit that has the baby's eyes shut so tightly that they had crow's feet at the corners of their eyes, their fists clenched so tightly that there is hardly any blood left in their palms, and their legs extended and toes pointed so stiffly that they could pass for ballerinas dancing en pointe if these babies could stand up. I was preparing for the worst since I can't recall the last time I had to handle a crying baby all by myself. My baby could wail with the best of them. I went through my mental checklist as Tracie and her mom prepared to head out the door.

(diapers...check)
(wipes...check)
(3 full bottles of formula in the fridge...check)
(blankets...check)
(Kleenex...check)
(clean clothes for baby...check)
(clean shirts for me...check)

"Bye, honey. Drive carefully." I waved goodbye cheerful as they closed the door behind them.

And just like that, I was alone...with a baby.

"NOOOOOOOOOO. Come back. Don't leave me with the baby!!!" I staggered to the door, feeling the panic wash over me like a tidal wave over a sandcastle. "I'm dead meat. I'm toast. Stick a fork in me, I'm done."

My mind started ripping through another checklist.

(Advils....check)
(working phone...check)
(address book...check)

Actually, it wasn't that bad. My hysteria was getting the best of me. Sydney behaved perfectly and was not much a problem for Daddy. She did not spit up after feeding. She did cry a little around 10:00am. She was tired but didn't want to go to sleep. I took care of it by softly singing one of my patented lullabies.

Hush little baby, don't you cry
Daddy's going to buy us a pizza pie
If that pizza pie is no good
Daddy's gonna mess up the pizza dude

If pizza dude starts to cry
Daddy is going to poke him in the eye
And if that wasn't enough fun
Dad will get him with a Taser gun

And if that Taser gun won't stun
Daddy's going to kick him in the.....sun
Now all this is just to sing
Dad hope you don't understand a thing

After hearing that heart-felt but tone-deaf rendition, she was fast asleep in the swing for almost 3 hours. She was not ready for any more singing and was probably faking sleep until her mom came home to rescue her. I seriously hope that Sydney really does not understand English yet. Otherwise, I better start saving up money for her therapy.