Hammock Time....Can't Touch This
Another day was over. I came home to an empty house after a day dealing with egos and complacencies. Such is the life of a middle manager. I was thankful the house was quiet. The water fountain mounted on the wall in the foyer was a welcome sight and sound. It was soothing. I was content to see the water rushing down the granite surface into the catch basin below, splish-splashing across the smooth pebbles that lined the basin in the process. At least something is still working. I have not refilled the fountain in a few days and was worried that it had run dry.
The rest of the family was visiting with Tracie's aunt nearby. Tracie had called me earlier to tell me how Sydney was behaving. The baby was asleep in the hammock. Tracie was excited to learn that the baby enjoyed sleeping in a hammock and insisted that we get one for our house. I've seen the hammock at Tracie's aunt's house. It was one of those traditional Asian hammocks that did not have wooden bars to hold the weaves open. The hammock pretty much collapses around your body when you lie in it. I was concerned that the baby would get tangled in the webbing, but surprisingly, other babies have slept in that same hammock all these years without any problem, as long as you place them on blankets and other padding. Cool. It's worth a shot to help Sydney take longer naps.
When the family came home, we checked the Internet and learned that hammocks were available at the sporting goods stores. We headed to a sporting goods store nearby. They didn't have the kind that we wanted but we settled for one of those that they had. It had those stupid wooden bars and wide rope weaves but at least it came with a stand. Oh well. I started assembling it as soon as we got home. It wasn't worth a damn. The stand was heavy but rickety, and it was HUGE. It took up almost the entire width of the family room. The box was also missing a part. One of the chains that connected the hammock to the stand was missing. I called the 800 customer service number. Of course, no one answered. I called the store. They told me to disassemble the thing and return it for a replacement. That's not a good sign. I decided to finish setting up the hammock anyway. I hook one end of the hammock to the stand directly without the chain and the other end with the chain. It looks pretty good. The hammock sits about 3 feet off the ground. I slowly backed into the center of the hammock with everyone looking on. It's the litmus test. This is when the rubber hits the road. I laid back with a resounding "Ahhhhhhhhh". My butt smacked the metal cross beam on the floor. The hammock had stretched all the way to the floor, giving my tailbone a nice welcoming whack with the metal beam squarely between my cheeks. How lovely. The instructions did say that a new hammock could accomodate 2 adults for a combination of up to 450 lbs and would stretch a little. A little is obviously a relative term.
In the middle of the roar of laughter, giggles and snickers, I fought my way out the the hammock. I shortened the chain up. The hammock is now stretched about neck high. We'll see how far this rope weave can stretch. I eased back into the hammock, bracing for another spanking. Lo and behold, I was suspended a foot above ground. Eureka! I proceeeded with Phase 2 of the operation. Time to rock. I dangled a leg over the side and pushed off. Oh, yeah. This is more like it. Side to side I went, feeling a slight breeze across my body. Then it happened. The stand was designed to look like a giant bow balanced on two straight metal legs. The arms of the "bow" were fastened by two large bolts to the legs. I made sure the bolts were tight before trying out the hammock. One of the arms of the "bow" started to sway with each swing. It had a hitch in it so that the side to side motion was no longer smooth. There was a slight hesitation and bounce when the hammock swung back in the other direction as the stand gave a little. I scrambled out of the hammock as if a swarm of angry hornets was hot on my trail. Another roar of laughter and another flurry of comments filled the air. That was the last straw. I am going to return the hammock but not get a replacement.
I guess it was a fitting end to my day. I had a strange day at work. I finally had a chance to hold the baby. She was clad in what I called an "M.C. Hammer" diaper. It was way too big for her. The waistband was firmly around her waist but the crotch of the diaper was down past her knees. Tracie had decided to go up one size on the diapers to keep the wetness away from the baby. The baby apparently had been fussing from the discomfort of wet diapers. Her pants were also one size (at least) too big. The waistband was up around her chest, and the pant legs were bunched around her ankles. I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for my baby to be dressed in her M.C. Hammer pants but I was afraid to ask. At least Sydney looked like she was content and happy to see me. Between the hammock, the diaper and the pants, I saw a theme surfacing. Can't touch this.
The rest of the family was visiting with Tracie's aunt nearby. Tracie had called me earlier to tell me how Sydney was behaving. The baby was asleep in the hammock. Tracie was excited to learn that the baby enjoyed sleeping in a hammock and insisted that we get one for our house. I've seen the hammock at Tracie's aunt's house. It was one of those traditional Asian hammocks that did not have wooden bars to hold the weaves open. The hammock pretty much collapses around your body when you lie in it. I was concerned that the baby would get tangled in the webbing, but surprisingly, other babies have slept in that same hammock all these years without any problem, as long as you place them on blankets and other padding. Cool. It's worth a shot to help Sydney take longer naps.
When the family came home, we checked the Internet and learned that hammocks were available at the sporting goods stores. We headed to a sporting goods store nearby. They didn't have the kind that we wanted but we settled for one of those that they had. It had those stupid wooden bars and wide rope weaves but at least it came with a stand. Oh well. I started assembling it as soon as we got home. It wasn't worth a damn. The stand was heavy but rickety, and it was HUGE. It took up almost the entire width of the family room. The box was also missing a part. One of the chains that connected the hammock to the stand was missing. I called the 800 customer service number. Of course, no one answered. I called the store. They told me to disassemble the thing and return it for a replacement. That's not a good sign. I decided to finish setting up the hammock anyway. I hook one end of the hammock to the stand directly without the chain and the other end with the chain. It looks pretty good. The hammock sits about 3 feet off the ground. I slowly backed into the center of the hammock with everyone looking on. It's the litmus test. This is when the rubber hits the road. I laid back with a resounding "Ahhhhhhhhh". My butt smacked the metal cross beam on the floor. The hammock had stretched all the way to the floor, giving my tailbone a nice welcoming whack with the metal beam squarely between my cheeks. How lovely. The instructions did say that a new hammock could accomodate 2 adults for a combination of up to 450 lbs and would stretch a little. A little is obviously a relative term.
In the middle of the roar of laughter, giggles and snickers, I fought my way out the the hammock. I shortened the chain up. The hammock is now stretched about neck high. We'll see how far this rope weave can stretch. I eased back into the hammock, bracing for another spanking. Lo and behold, I was suspended a foot above ground. Eureka! I proceeeded with Phase 2 of the operation. Time to rock. I dangled a leg over the side and pushed off. Oh, yeah. This is more like it. Side to side I went, feeling a slight breeze across my body. Then it happened. The stand was designed to look like a giant bow balanced on two straight metal legs. The arms of the "bow" were fastened by two large bolts to the legs. I made sure the bolts were tight before trying out the hammock. One of the arms of the "bow" started to sway with each swing. It had a hitch in it so that the side to side motion was no longer smooth. There was a slight hesitation and bounce when the hammock swung back in the other direction as the stand gave a little. I scrambled out of the hammock as if a swarm of angry hornets was hot on my trail. Another roar of laughter and another flurry of comments filled the air. That was the last straw. I am going to return the hammock but not get a replacement.
I guess it was a fitting end to my day. I had a strange day at work. I finally had a chance to hold the baby. She was clad in what I called an "M.C. Hammer" diaper. It was way too big for her. The waistband was firmly around her waist but the crotch of the diaper was down past her knees. Tracie had decided to go up one size on the diapers to keep the wetness away from the baby. The baby apparently had been fussing from the discomfort of wet diapers. Her pants were also one size (at least) too big. The waistband was up around her chest, and the pant legs were bunched around her ankles. I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation for my baby to be dressed in her M.C. Hammer pants but I was afraid to ask. At least Sydney looked like she was content and happy to see me. Between the hammock, the diaper and the pants, I saw a theme surfacing. Can't touch this.
posted by DaddyEyeduck at 8:26 AM
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